


Help Me To Remember

by storywriter8



Series: Shot Through The Heart [3]
Category: The Losers (2010)
Genre: Angst, Anxiety Attacks, Anxiety Disorder, Blood, Blood and Injury, Blood and Violence, Blow Jobs, Bottom Cougar, Come Swallowing, Cuddling & Snuggling, Fluff and Angst, Found Family, Frustration, Gunshot Wounds, Hand Jobs, Happy Ending, Hurt Jake Jensen, Hurt/Comfort, Ignoring Human Biology For The Sake Of Plot, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Jake Has Anxiety, Love, M/M, Memory Loss, Non-Graphic Violence, Not Doctor Approved, Protective Cougar, Riding, Rimming, Sad Cougar, Self-Esteem Issues, Shaving, Shaving Kink, Snowed In, Strangers to Lovers, Temporary Amnesia, They Cant Live Without The Other, Top Jake, Wedding Fluff, Weddings, hat kink, lovers to strangers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-01
Updated: 2019-10-01
Packaged: 2020-11-09 05:50:31
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,936
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20848547
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/storywriter8/pseuds/storywriter8
Summary: What was supposed to be the perfect fairy tale ending for Jake and Cougar turns into a nightmare as an enemy from Cougar's past crashes their wedding and causes Jake to loose his memories.





	Help Me To Remember

**Author's Note:**

> Finally finished with this dang thing! Hope y'all enjoy all the cheesiness!

Cougar let out a grunt as he was jerked into wakefulness by his lover leaping out from under the covers of their bed to straddle his hips.

“Cougs! Wake up! There's something super duper important you need to answer!” Jake shouted, wiggling and bouncing with endless energy for 6:30 in the morning.

“What is it, mi amor?” the sniper asked through a huge yawn, reaching up to run a hand through his long tangled locks.

Finally stilling, Jake held his breath for half a second before asking, “Will you marry me?”

Prying his heavy eyelids up to regard the bundle of nerves pinning him to the bed, Cougar smiled. “Yes, for the 108th time since you first got down on your knee and asked me, I will marry you.”

The tension rippling through Jake’s shoulders vanished and he flopped down to bury himself under the blankets and up against his fiancé again. “Just checking,” he whispered, nuzzling under Cougar’s chin. “You've only got a few hours left to change your mind, after all.”

Chuckling and pulling Jake even closer, Cougar pressed a kiss to the blond’s forehead. “And I will be delighted to tell you yes for the 109th. And every day after, until you finally believe that I want to spend every last day we have together.”

“Yeah,” Jake muttered, trying to hide the shameful flush coloring his cheeks. “But I’m an idiot.”

Cougar hummed, pulling back to look Jake in the eye. “Si, but you are my idiot.”

The sniper tilted his head when the blond’s smile didn't reach his eyes. “What is really bothering you?”

Rolling over and tugging Cougar’s arms tighter around him, Jake shrugged. “Old nightmare.”

“Querido! Why did you not wake me?” the sniper asked, rolling his lover back over.

“It was the day we first met,” Jake muttered, reluctantly allowing himself to be cuddled. “And I- I didn’t get to you in time. I know it’s just a stupid dream but it got me thinking. You told me that you’ve loved me since that day, and I made you wait. What if you get tired of waiting?”

Cougar shook his head, smiling again as he held Jake’s face between his hands. “Mi amor, you are worth the wait.”

Jake swallowed as his fiancé ground down against him and began kissing down his neck. “Uhh, babe, not that I'm complaining, but we have to meet Pooch and-mmmphhf!”

Cougar silenced his fiancé by shoving his tongue down his throat, not stopping until they were both breathless. “The love of my life thinks I will leave him, this I must fix,” he purred, calloused fingers working their way under Jake's tank top and pajama pants, shoving one up and the other down.

Nipping down the plain of his lover’s stomach, Cougar was pleased to note that retirement had filled in the tight edges that came with too many days on the run. It had taken all of about fifteen minutes after seeing Clay shoot Max in the head for Jake and Cougar to announce their plans of settling down and getting married. And now here they were, proud owners of a small two story house within walking distance from Jess and Beth and to be wed that evening. As far as the sniper was concerned he had found heaven.

Pushing his musings aside, Cougar focused on the task at hand, driving Jake mad. Pausing for a moment to suck a mark on the inside of the blond’s thigh, Cougar licked his lips and then licked right over his lover’s tight little pucker.

Jake’s squeak of surprise quickly turned into a desperate moan as his thighs began to quiver. The blond loved nothing more than being eaten out by Cougar, the feeling of the brunette keeping him on edge and wrapped around his fingers. Unfortunately, they didn't have the long hours that they both craved to lose themselves in the other.

After a few more moments of slipping his tongue teasingly in and out, Cougar pulled back slightly to accept a small bottle of lube from Jake and slicked up his fingers before slowly easing one in. Chuckling at the whimpers and gasps coming from betwixt his lover’s red, bitten lips, the sniper ghosted his other hand across Jake’s cock before finally closing his lips around the tip in perfect time with a crooked finger in his ass to gaze across his prostate.

Jake came with a howl, fingers gouging even more lines in the headboard. He whimpered as he slowly came down and felt Cougar’s tongue slide over him, cleaning any mess he had made. “You spoil me,” he panted, freeing one hand to tangle in his fiancé’s long locks.

“Si.” Cougar purred, closing his eyes as Jake massaged his scalp. “But you are worth it.”

The bedroom door was suddenly kicked open, revealing Pooch with one hand firmly clapped over his eyes. “Alright! Get your sex-having, going to make us late, asses out of bed and cleaned up! Can't believe you assholes made me come up here and get you! I don't need to see any of that, man!”

Jake giggled as he and Cougar gave a unanimous and severely insincere apology to their best friend. He continued to giggle as he was rolled out of bed and ushered into the shower, trading lazy kisses with his lover. 

Cougar took charge of getting the both of them clean, lathering up a washcloth as Jake quickly got distracted picking out which of the fourteen shampoos he wanted to use on the brunette's locks.

“Green apple would work,” Jake said as his lover ran the cloth down his back. “Unless you want to match the rose centerpieces.”

Cougar pushed his lover under the water and followed to wrap his arms around Jake and nuzzle between his shoulder blades. “Our day,” he murmured, almost reverently.

“Our day,” Jake echoed, smile slowly growing. Reaching out he plucked the small hotel bottle of orange blossom shampoo that he had stolen from the beach house they had spent their first blissful weekend in as an official couple. Turning to press a kiss to Cougar’s forehead and carefully work a lather through the brunette's hair, Jake gently dug his fingernails in just enough to draw a long moan from his lover’s lips.

After using the matching bottle of conditioner and a pink hair brush to turn Cougar’s hair into the shimmering waterfall of cocoa perfection, Jake finally allowed himself to be moved out of the shower. He giggled as the sniper dried him off before stealing his own towel to loop around Cougar and pull him in for another long kiss. 

“We should get dressed,” the brunette murmured between kisses as their bodies began shifting and grinding closer.

“Nope,” Jake said with a grin, abandoning his towel to wrap Cougar in a puffy robe. “You get to stay all comfy while I go with Pooch to see to the finishing touches.”

Allowing himself to be pushed back onto the bed, the sniper unashamedly admired the view as the blond picked out one of his less horrifying printed shirt and a pair of jeans.

Finally presentable, the blond gently steered Cougar downstairs to be seated in the breakfast nook before he straightened and clapped his hands officiously. Jess and Beth came bursting through the swinging kitchen door, carrying trays of breakfast food piled high.

“Talk about spoiling,” Cougar tutted and lifted Beth onto his lap as she pushed her tray onto the table. 

“You're worth it,” Jake whispered, plucking two strawberries from a bowl and popping them into the mouths of his niece and fiancé.

“Yeah yeah yeah, you're both adorable. Let's go!” Pooch grumbled, shoving Jake to one side and grabbing a handful of strawberries himself. 

Blowing one last kiss to Cougar, the blond allowed himself to be shuffled out the door by Pooch.

“He's going to be your husband,” Jess murmured, sitting across from the sniper. 

“Si,” Cougar sighed, a dreamy smile on his lips.

-

Everything was perfect in the small church just outside of town that a friend of Clay’s owned. Red and white roses tied to the end of the pews with pink satin bows all turned to dusty shades of peach and orange by the sun’s setting rays through the stained glass windows. Close family and friends sat in the front while Jake bounced on the balls of his feet. Dressed in a pale pink suit jacket, white slacks and a new pair of silver framed glasses, Jake was more than ready to kiss his single life goodbye.

The organ began to play as Jolene and Pooch came down the aisle first, matching in deep blue. Jess came next in a slate number that Jake personally picked out, she winked before sitting down next to Clay and Aisha. Beth skipped down next, scattering pink rose petals and looking absolutely adorable in her pink suit and pants with a little black bow tie. 

And there he was. Cougar walked down the aisle carrying a single pink rose and looking utterly ravishing in a black tail coat over a pale pink dress shirt and black slacks with the old scarf Jake had crocheted him in Bolivia.

Jake quickly found himself misty eyed and had to swallow hard as he was finally able to take Cougar’s hands as they walked up the last few steps to the altar and turned to face each other. The blond lost himself in his lover’s eyes and wasn't really paying attention to Clay’s friend speaking of love, respect and loyalty; Cougar was his everything, he didn't need to be told to love and treasure him.

“I do,” Cougar murmured, pulling Jake out of his thoughts.

“Do you, Jacob Jensen, take this man to be your husband, to have and to hold till death do you part?”

Jake grinned, taking quick breath to say the two words he had been dying to speak since Cougar at first said yes. The breath left him in the blink of an eye. His vision blurred, glasses flying off as he fell backwards. As his body hit the ground, he heard the screams. Cougar appeared above him, screaming his name and pressing something hard against his chest.

‘I do’ Jake thought as his eyes flickered shut, blood continuing to pour from the bullet hole burned through his chest.

-

A bizarre sense of deja vu settled over Cougar as he leaned his elbows on his knees in the uncomfortable hospital chair. Sitting there, covered in the life’s blood of his one true love and waiting to see if he would survive a sniper’s bullet. 

He went back in his mind, to Jake’s soft lips parting to bind himself to the brunette til death, to seeing the bright red dot appearing on his lover’s lapel. Throwing himself forward, no where near in time as the stained glass window of the church shattered and Jake fell to the ground. Begging and cursing in turn to what ever cruel and capricious god or force of nature that only seemed interested in bestowing pain and suffering upon the couple as he tried everything to stop the blood. 

Pooch cussing up a storm as he drove faster then he ever had, Clay used his general’s voice to clear their arrival at a local hospital, the deathly pale shade of Jake’s skin against his spilled blood and Cougar’s tears. It had taken Aisha, Pooch and Clay to stop Cougar from following as the doctors took charge and wheeled Jake away at a run. Finally sinking down into this hard plastic chair at the words ‘impossible miss’ ‘out of surgery’ and ‘awake soon’.

Jumping at Jolene’s gentle touch, Cougar was pulled out of his thoughts. Pooch and Clay had disappeared at some point, leaving Aisha arguing with the doctors and Jess gently rocking Beth in her arms as they both stared at the ground. 

“Clay’s friend called, he found the sniper’s rifle,” Jolene murmured gently, pressing a clean change of clothes into Cougar’s hands and pulling him to his feet. “They’re bringing it to you.”

Nodding mutely, Cougar let himself be gently pushed into a private restroom with a shower. With shaking fingers, he slowly pulled his blood stained finery away and staggering into the shower. As the hot water beat down on his head, the faint scent of orange blossom wafted through the air, shattered Cougar completely. Falling to his knees he began to sob, hugging himself and digging his nails into his shoulders.

The sniper cried out every last tear he had and slowly put himself back together. Jake needed him to keep it together, to protect him now that a new enemy was gunning for them. Whatever it took, he would get them through this.

Cougar’s hands had stopped shaking as he washed away the blood, dried off and pulled on the jeans and black button up from the bag he had been handed. Shoving his blood stained clothes back in the bag, he slipped out and handed it back to Jolene. 

The woman smiled sadly as she carefully set Cougar’s stetson on his damn locks. “Feel better?”

“No,” Cougar muttered, “I thought we were done with this, I thought we were finally safe.”

Squeezing the sniper’s hands hard, Jolene gave him a fierce look. “You will be,” she growled in a voice that would have sent even Max running for the hills. 

Murmuring a thank you to the woman, Cougar turned to meet Clay and Pooch as they came down the hall with a hockey stick bag. 

“What kind of sniper leaves their rifle behind?” Pooch muttered as Clay handed the bag over to Cougar.

After only one look inside the bag, the brunette closed his eyes and shook his head. “The kind who wants me to know that he's back.”

“You know this fucker?” Clay whispered, studying his sniper intently.

Cougar nodded and zipped the bag back up. “You remember Ecuador?”

Pooch held up a hand and let out a bit of a crazed snort. “Are you telling me that Silva guy who tried to kill you and shot Jake by mistake just tracked you down to shoot Jake again?”

“I don't think he meant to shoot Jake,” Cougar murmured, letting Clay take the gun back as Aisha rounded the corner. “Is he awake?”

“Oh, he's awake,” Aisha muttered, crossing her arms and glaring at the doctor she had just been yelling at. “Can't remember his own damn name, but he's awake.”

“What?” Clay and Pooch gasped.

“Complete amnesia or some shit, we’re getting a second opinion,” the woman grumbled, still glaring over her shoulder.

“No,” Cougar whispered, shaking his head violently. He pulled away from his team and ran to Jake’s hospital room door and wrenched it open.

Jake jumped at the noise as Cougar shoved his way through several nurses’ arms to the blond’s bedside.

“Jake,” the sniper gasped, reaching out with a shaking hand to his love.

“Who’s Jake?” Jake asked, wide eyed and leaning away from Cougar. “Who are you?”

-

Hours of tests later and Jake still didn't remember anything. He had gotten more and more upset with people asking him questions and not answering his that he had eventually had to be sedated when he tried to leave. The blond had drifted off wondering who the brunette in the corner was and why his eyes looked so sad.

Cougar waited until he was sure that Jake was fast asleep before getting up from his chair and approaching the bed. Gently lifting the blond’s hand, the sniper ran his thumb over his engagement ring. 

Cougar had wanted to wait, to find a ring worthy of Jake before proposing, or at least in a better location that outside the warehouse their dead archenemy was bleeding out in. But the blond had been insistent, reaching out to tug the skull shaped ring off Cougar’s finger and claiming it for his own. The sniper had laughed and asked his lover how he had known to pick the ring he had bought all those long days ago in an Ecuadorian marketplace. 

The first thing Cougar had done when they got back home was get the ridiculous thing resized. Walking through their front door he found Jake down on one knee with a ring of Damascus steel striped with black opal. That ring had stayed on his finger since that day.

But Jake didn't remember any of that now. Being reminded of all that would only hurt the blond, frustrate him.

And so, even though it ripped out his heart, Cougar slowly pulled Jake’s ring off then his own. Looping them on a chain around his neck, the sniper held them tightly for a moment then slipped them under his shirt.

“You should go home, get some sleep, Jess murmured from the doorway as the first rays of dawn broke through the hospital window. 

Cougar shook his head, eyes never leaving Jake’s sleeping face. “He needs me here.”

Pursing her lips, Jess walked over and pushed the stetson back to look her would-be brother-in-law in the eye. “He doesn't know who you are right now, but when he does remember, he will kill you for not taking care of yourself. Aisha is on guard, Pooch after her and Clay is running down leads as we speak. It's time for you to rest.”

Cougar tired to resist, but going against Jessica Jensen was a lost cause and he soon found himself promising to go home, sleep, and eat before he dared set foot back in the hospital. Pushing the door of Jake’s room open, the sniper paused for one last look back.

Some, all or none, just a matter of time and healing the doctor had said. And it was Cougar’s fault. Silva had followed him from hell and back to get his revenge, and on purpose or not, he had managed to hurt the brunette in the worst way possible. To be in arms reach of the love of his life and for that love to have no idea who you were. If all the time they had spent together was gone, all the love they had shared, then what was he supposed to do?

“Cougar,” Clay hissed from behind a nurse’s station. “You are not going to fucking believe this.”

Staggering slightly as he course corrected, Cougar came around the corner to be greeted with Aisha poking a knife into a huge bouquet of white and red roses.

Clay held out a small card, heavy sarcasm in his voice. “Your nemesis sends his deepest regrets for ruining Jake’s wedding.”

Cougar snorted as he scanned over the preprinted card. “Told you, Silva only wants me dead.”

“Which is why you're leaving,” Clay said, waving Aisha away from the flowers.

“Like hell!” the sniper snapped but was quickly cut off.

“If he doesn't want anyone else dead that gives us the chance to get close and end the bastard. If you stay, you'll only get yourself killed,” Clay said, raising his hand as Cougar tried to interrupt. “And before you start to argue, Jake will be ok to travel in a day or two and will be going with you just in case this nut job decides to try and use him to get to you. No arguments, just think of it as going on your honeymoon early.”

“Yeah,” Aisha muttered, “if your idea of a honeymoon is to hide out ass deep in the snow with an injured amnesiac husband.”

-

There was no arguing with Clay, and truth be told it was a good plan. But Cougar couldn't help but feel guilty about running away and leaving his family to the dangerous work. And of course it had to be the mountain cabin, miles away from the main road and buried under two feet of snow nine months out of the year.

Cougar hated the snow, hated how it clung and promised later discomfort when it melted into your socks. Hated how it slowed him down and made each step a slog or a slip. Flexing his frozen fingers, the sniper fiddled with the old truck’s heat controls again and quietly cursed the white flakes that slipped across the windshield. 

A pale hand with a Hello Kitty band-aid over where an IV had been just a few hours before reached out and turned one of the vents towards Cougar. “I’m just saying,” Jake said in response to the frown he was given. 

Cougar reached over and shoved the vent back to join all the others in pointing at the blanket wrapped blond. 

“Martyr,” Jake muttered, falling silent again and letting his head loll away to stare out his window.

The silence was the worst. Jake had asked questions nonstop in the hospital but had quieted after being discharged against medical advice. He had fallen completely silent as he was loaded in and out of six different cars each driven by a different member of the Losers to ensure they weren’t being followed. Finally Cougar had tucked him into a rusty old pick up and started the long drive to the safe house tucked away in a quiet corner of a run down ski resort. 

Cougar carefully turned the truck down another hidden side road and finally pulled up to the snow covered building. From the outside, the safe house looked completely abandoned complete with boards over the windows. Getting out of the truck, the sniper wrinkled his nose as the snow spilled over the tops of his boots. He slammed the truck door and did his best to hurry in shoving the garage door up. The clunk of the truck shifting gears made him jump and then quickly get out of the way as Jake drove inside and parked. 

Cougar frowned, taking his hat off to brush the snow off it before he tugged the driver’s door open.

“Well excuse me for trying to be helpful,” Jake grumbled as he was rewrapped in blankets and lifted up with an arm under his knees and around his back.

“Did not ask for help,” Cougar growled but thanked the blond a moment later for reaching down and opening the door into the cabin for them. 

The inside of the cabin boosted far more confidence than the outside. Cozy, if a bit dusty, with cushy furniture and a well stocked wood box. Carefully putting Jake down on the couch and pulling the blanket that was resting on the back over him, Cougar reluctantly pulled away from the blond’s warmth and set about heating the cabin. 

“You gonna tell me where we are now?” Jake finally asked as the chill began to leave the air thanks to a roaring fire and a quietly creaking radiator.

“Safe,” Cougar called over his shoulder as he began to sort through the rations that the safe house had been stocked with.

“Right,” the hacker muttered, uncocooning himself and shoving himself up to stand with arms crossed. “I’ve been shot, lost my memory and taken out to the middle of No-Man’s-Murder-Ville, so if you could humor me with a few more adjectives, I would be most appreciative.”

The sniper froze as the realization hit him at the blond’s sharp words, the can in his fingers slipping free and clattering to the floor. “You don't trust me,” he whispered, feeling the ragged edges of his heart fraying even more.

A puzzled look flickered across Jake’s face and he eyed up the thunderstruck man in front of him. “I don't know you.” 

Tearing his eyes away and turning his back to the love of his life, Cougar blinked hard, fighting to keep his voice level. “Right, ah. Canada, safe house off the grid. Mantenlo junto, we have-”

Whipping around in a panic at the huge gasp Jake had given, Cougar rushed to the blond’s side who stood mouth agape and hand pressed to his chest. “What is it? What is wrong?”

“I don't speak Spanish!” Jake said as if the language had personally insulted him. “I'm one of those assholes who doesn't speak Spanish!”

Cougar gave a shaky snort of laughter, sliding his hands down the blond’s arms. Realizing what he was doing, the sniper pulled away, missing the suspicious squint he was given, and walked back to pick up the can he had dropped. 

The rest of the evening both men remained silent, Cougar making dinner and Jake watching him from the small wooden table in the middle of the cabin. By the time the simple meal of lentil soup was set in front of the both of them, the sniper’s jaw was aching from being clenched every time he fought the urge to kiss his fiancé, to run his fingers through his spiky blond hair, to tell him everything was going to be ok. Because Cougar didn't know if it was going to be ok.

So he sat across from a stranger who he loved more than anything in the world and tried not to burst into tears when Jake waited for him to take the first bite before starting to eat.

The next few days weren't much better. The silence quickly turned oppressive as Cougar moved about the house doing and redoing the few chores that cropped up to keep himself from screaming. But the moments when Cougar thought he saw pieces of Jake’s personality peeking through only to watch them vanish a moment later, were even worse. 

Finally the sniper couldn't take the silence any longer and took the coward’s approach of hiding in the garage. Shadow boxing his excess energy and frustrations away would only work so long, but for now at least it seemed to be helping.

Until someone with jeans and a death wish threw a kick for the sniper to block.

“The hell do you think you are doing?” Cougar growled as he carefully pushed Jake’s kick away.

The blond shrugged, falling into a fighter's stance. “Trying not to die of boredom.”

“So you would rather just die instead?” the brunette shouted, waving to the white bandages peeking out of Jake’s shirt.

With an epic eye roll, Jake straightened then smiled. “Well maybe we should find something else to entertain us,” he murmured with a suggestive glance down at the hard length pressing against the seam of his jeans.

Cougar bit down on his lip as he felt his knees beginning to buckle in desire to attend to Jake’s every need. But to Jake, this was just sex; something to pass the time. He couldn't remember what they had meant to each other. Going back to just sex between them after everything they had shared would wear down what little of the sniper’s soul had survived this long. So he said something he had never said to Jake.

“No.” 

Jake shot the brunette a confused frown as Cougar gently pushed past him. The sniper stayed strong on the walk back to his room and leaning against the back of the door as he closed it. 

Jake would be proud of him, if he ever got Jake back. 

When his legs finally stopped shaking, the sniper slipped out of his sweaty clothes and into the shower, closing his eyes and pretending he wasn't alone in the deluge of hot water. Feeling slightly better, Cougar gathered his strength to head back out to face his lost lover.

Not finding Jake in the living area, Cougar wandered back to Jake’s room at the back of the house. The door was open a crack and he raised a hand to push it open before a faint noise caused him to freeze. He would know it anywhere.

Jake moaned again, long and low, and the accompanying slick sounds grew faster. 

Jerking his hand away from the door as if it had burnt him, Cougar tried to swallow the sick feeling rising back up in his throat. Longing to join his lover and disgusted at himself for intruding on someone who barely knew him, the sniper slunk away. 

Cougar tried to swallow down his guilt over the next few days but quickly found his repressed emotions spilling over in his attempts to care for Jake. His over protectiveness pushed the blond’s buttons which pushed both of them into a water fight over the dinner dishes which lead to Jake’s bandages getting soaked through.

It had taken a good fifteen minutes of laying on the floor, weak from laughter, before Cougar was able to stand and get them both dried off. Shoving his now shirtless lover down on the couch in front of the fire, the sniper set about tending to Jake’s injury.

“It is not funny,” Cougar grumbled, trying hard to school his smile into a look of disapproval as he taped down the last of the new bandages. “You could get an infection.”

“Oh come on! You had fun, don’t lie,” Jake said, wiggling his eyebrows and tugging on a new flannel shirt.

Shaking his head at the incorrigible blond, the sniper absentmindedly trailed his fingers down the side of Jake’s cheek. Realizing what he was doing, the brunette quickly pulled his hand away and looked for something else, anything else, to do with his hands. 

“Why do you do that?” Jake asked, stopping the sniper from making a clean getaway.

“Qué?” Cougar said as casually as he could, pretending to be very focused on putting more wood on the fire.

The blond frowned and crossed his arms. “Pull away when you touch me, I’m not a poison dart frog you know. I might even enjoy a little physical contact once in a while.”

The sniper winced as he closed the fireplace door, of course Jake had noticed. “It is not fair to you when you do not remember.”

“You're right, I can't remember!” Jake shouted, throwing a pillow at the source of his frustration. “So instead of keeping me in the dark maybe, just maybe, you could try explaining instead! Tell me what I don't remember!”

Twisting the pillow the blond had thrown at him in his hands, Cougar gnawed on his lip as he considered. Letting out a long tired sigh, the sniper caved to those bright blue eyes staring straight through him. Reaching down the front of his shirt, Cougar pulled out the chain and the rings looped around it.

“Oh my god,” Jake murmured, burying his face in his hands at the sight of the engagement rings.

“I did not want to pressure you-” Cougar started before being cut off by another pillow to the face.

“You stupid fucking martyr!” the enraged blond howled, throwing a third pillow. “Quit being so damn selfless and hold me!”

Shocked, Cougar couldn't find a thing to say and staggered forward to have his waist encircled by Jake’s open arms.

“The fuck were you thinking?” the blond muttered against the sniper’s stomach. “Punishing yourself like that.”

Not a memory to his name and Jake could still see straight through Cougar. 

Both hands pressed over his mouth, the sniper felt himself begin to fall apart. His hat tumbled to the floor as his knees buckled and he fell into Jake’s lap, burying his tear stained face into his lover’s chest.

“Lo siento,” he sobbed, “My fault, lo siento mucho mi amor. All my fault!”

“Dumbass,” Jake murmured, holding his fiancé tight.

Cougar woke the next morning with Jake gently running his fingers through his long hair. From then on Jake sought the sniper out, demanding to be cuddled. Gluing himself to Cougar’s back while he cooked or curling up together on the couch and dragging the sniper into his bed each night to spoon.

With Jake wrapped around him on a lazy do nothing afternoon in bed, it almost felt like home to Cougar. Stifling a chuckle, the sniper arched his back to get away from the blond nuzzling at his bare back.

“Where do you think you're going?” Jake asked, a smirk in his voice as he chased after Cougar and continued to rub the beginnings of his full beard at any and all skin he could reach.

“You do not normally keep it that long.” Cougar murmured, rolling over to catch his lover by the chin. 

Shrugging, Jake ran a hand across his cheek. “I guess I just didn't think about it. It has gotten a bit long.”

“How about you go take a shower and shave and I will make dinner?” the sniper murmured, slowly pulling away to stand up and give a bull body stretch. 

“Are you saying I’m Dirty?” Jake asked, drawing out the word and letting his legs fall open into a V.

“The dirtiest,” Cougar said dryly, turning away and walking out of the bedroom to rekindle the fire in the living room and poke around the refrigerator.

He had heard the sound of the shower turn on and then off but an hour later with no sign of Jake and the sniper was more than a little worried. Pushing all the pans off the heat, he headed towards their shared bathroom. “Jake?” he called, gently knocking on door. “Jake, are you ok in there?”

“Aah, yeah, I’m uh, I’m fine. No problemo. Fantastic. Never better,” Jake mumbled from the other side.

“Jake. “

“Yeah?”

“You are rambling,” Cougar said with a slight smile. “May I come in?”

Taking the noncommittal noise from inside as a ‘yes,’ the sniper pushed the door open to see Jake standing in front of the bathroom sink, eyes wide, wet hair dripping down onto his unbuttoned flannel shirt and a straight razor hanging limply in his fingers. “What is wrong?” Cougar asked, tugging a soft towel off the rack to finish drying his lover’s hair.

“I uh,” Jake mumbled, hands beginning to shake. “I cut it down short but I uh. I don't remember what I used to look like. I don't know how I used to wear my beard or comb my hair or-”

The razor clattered into the sink and Jake forced his lips shut.

“Jake, it is ok. You are not alone in this,” Cougar whispered, rubbing soothing circles down the blond’s back.

The blond’s eyes flickered about the room, never meeting the sniper’s gaze. “I don't want to hurt you anymore.”

Turning his lover around and forcing him to look him in the eye, Cougar put on his best ‘no nonsense’ voice. “You could only hurt me by letting yourself suffer alone.”

Jake took a long shaky breath and swallowed hard before finally asking. “Could you help me shave?”

Easing the blond down on to the edge of the bathtub, Cougar smiled. “Me encantaría.”

Draping the towel across one of lover’s legs, the sniper knelt down and slipped between the v of Jake’s legs. Working lather up with the shaving brush he spread it with small soft strokes. Setting the brush aside Cougar tested the edge of the razor, frowned and dug out a small strop.

Jake swallowed hard as he watched the sniper skillful fingers hone the blade. “You do this a lot?”

Testing the blade again and smiled in satisfaction, Cougar slipped back between Jake’s legs. He chuckled at the soft gasp the blond gave at the first stroke of the razor. “You loved when I did this for you.”

“Fuck, I still do,” Jake moaned at the second swipe, clenching his hands and trying to distract himself from the swirling heat building below his belt. “What else did I like?”

Cougar thought for a moment, then got that love sick little smile. “You like to cook brunch on Sunday mornings. It is the only day you will get up early so that by the time I make it down stairs, a feast awaits me.”

Jake blinked at the ceiling with his head tipped back and the razor sliding up his neck as he tied to picture it.

The sniper let out a soft laugh as another thought came to him. “You make us watch the most terrible movies. Rom Coms, satire, everything Disney has ever made.”

Pulling out of the brunette’s hands, Jake frowned. “I'm not an action movie guy?”

Cougar’s smile faltered. “Ah, no. Too many memories from our old life,” he murmured, pressing closer still to his lover to continue.

“Ok,” Jake murmured, frowning but letting himself be repositioned. “But we were getting married right?”

“Si.”

“What part of the,” the blond asked but interrupted himself with another long moan at the scrape of the razor. “Of that ah, process were we at before…”

“The ‘I do’s” Cougar murmured, making the last scrape of the razor as slow as possible and smiling at the whimper he was rewarded with. Satisfied that he had returned Jake to his trademarked look, the sniper stood up. “Go wash.”

“You’re telling me I got shot at the altar?” Jake asked, staggering after Cougar with an incredulous look on his face. 

Cougar hummed, waving towards the sink and waited until Jake had washed the last traces of shaving cream away. Using a clean towel to gently dry the blond’s face, the sniper picked up a small brown glass bottle. “It was very beautiful, you are going to be so mad when you remember all the work you did that went to waste.”

“Yeah, super mad,” Jake muttered trying to ignore the tight feeling in his chest. He closed his eyes as Cougar poured a small amount of liquid from the bottle on to his hands and patted it against his cheeks and throat. As the smell of the aftershave reached him, Jake reeled back, blinking hard as tears gathered in his eyes. “Why do I feel like I'm being hugged?”

“It is mine,” Cougar said hesitantly. “I have worn it since forever, you used to say it was comforting.”

The blond swallowed hard and turned to walk away. “Oh.”

As each day passed without a single memory returned, Jake’s worry grew. What if he never got his memory back? What if this wonderfully kind man who had only been gentle and patient with him got tired of waiting? What if Cougar left him alone in the black hole that was his mind and life?

Jake did his best to ignore the tension in his chest that wound tighter and tighter each time he asked himself those questions. But he kept asking, each time Cougar gave him one of those love filled smiles or told him of another experience they shared that had been lost.

“Jake!” 

Startled out of his thoughts, Jake looked up at Cougar who had a hand over his and the hazelnut he had been about to eat. “What?”

Taking the nut away, the brunette shook his head and shooed Jake away to collect the dishes. “You are allergic to hazelnuts and why are you snacking? You just had dinner.”

“Oh,” Jake muttered and stared down at the grain of the wood table. The constriction in his chest was nearly unbearable and it was getting hard to breathe. A clattering started in his head, like a dozen voices on an out of tune radio, and his breaths began to shorten.

Jake pressed his hand against the table, leaning heavily and clutching at his chest with the other. Shallow, uneven breaths puffed from his lips as his eyes darted around the room. “Cougar,” he whispered, tears beginning to fall. “What? What's happening to me?”

Cougar was across the room in a flash and caught Jake as he began to wobble and fall, helping him to sit. “You are panicking. It will pass, just breathe with me. Breath with me, Querido.”

Jake tired, really tried to match the slow deep breaths that rose and fell in Cougar’s chest but it wasn't enough. Shaking his head and letting out a choked sob, he gave the sniper a pleading look. “Make it stop.”

Cougar hesitated, still torn over the morality of making love to Jake when he didn't remember them. “You don't remember me,” he whispered, the ache in his chest growing with each tear that fell down his lover’s face.

“But I trust you,” Jake gasped, clutching at the flannel shirt over Cougar’s tank top. “Please, just make it stop!”

The rush of warmth at hearing those words pushed Cougar forward to gently taking the blond’s face in his hands and bringing their lips together. It was brief as he quickly pulled away to let Jake breathe and make his own way down to mouth at the sensitive column of the blond’s throat.

Jake’s breath began to even as the sniper’s wicked mouth distracted him from the fear that clawed at his mind. Calloused fingers slid down his chest to tease at the bare strip of skin peeking out from under his shirt. There was no hesitation, no question as to what exactly they were doing, as Jake dragged Cougar’s lips back to his own when the sniper’s palm pressed into the hard line confined to the blond’s jeans.

Tugging Jake’s zipper down, the sniper dropping to his knees. Letting out one long breath, Cougar lowered his lips down over the tip of the blond’s cock. He suckled for a moment before Jake curled his fingers through his long hair and gently pushed him farther down. Oh god Cougar had missed this, the taste of Jake and the stretch of his throat. Letting out one long moan, the sniper set a fast pace bobbing up and down while applying gentle pressure with his hand around the base of Jake’s cock.

“Fuck!” Jake gasped, unconsciously pulling Cougar’s hair as he clenched his hands and writhed away and towards the sniper’s moans. With each blink of his eyes, Jake’s vision blurred around the edges. He could still see Cougar with his glistening lips wrapped around his cock but the location kept changing. Closing his eyes, Jake’s vision cleared and he remembered a sun dappled tool shed, sweltering heat and the sniper’s dark eyes and crooked eyebrow.

The blond’s orgasm took them both by surprise, come dribbling out of Cougar’s mouth and onto his hand. 

Head thrown back and eyes closed, Jake took one long slow sigh as his fingers went limp in the sniper’s hair.

“Jake?” Cougar murmured, letting go of the blond’s still hard cock.

Jake’s eyes snapped open and he seized the sniper’s wrist and brought Cougar’s come covered fingers to his lips. Deliberately slow, the blond licked each finger clean before tugging at the brunette’s hair and doing the same to the smears of come on his lips before letting out a soft moan. “More.”

Cougar’s throat clicked as he swallowed, unconsciously trying to nod his head against the blond’s tight grip. In a flash he was up against the wall, Jake’s tongue thrusting between his lips. Moaning at the taste of Jake, all of Jake, Cougar let himself be manhandled across through the house and onto his back on the bed.

“Want in you,” the blond moaned, drawing one finger down his lover’s trapped cock and grinning at the groan he was rewarded with. Parting for just long enough to rid both himself and Cougar of their clothes Jake dug for the small bottle of lube in the bedside cabinet. Slicking up his fingers, Jake teased at the edge of Cougar’s hole as he reclaimed the sniper’s red lips. He kissed away the whimpers and whines Cougar made as Jake slowly worked each finger in.

“Wait,” Cougar whispered, fingering the bandage over the nearly healed bullet wound as Jake pulled his fingers free and slicked himself up. Slowly flipping them over and straddling Jake’s bare hips, the sniper blushed slightly. “Something you loved,” he murmured, reaching over to pluck his Stetson from the bedpost. Donning his hat, Cougar carefully positioned himself and lowered down onto Jake’s cock.

Jake gave a punched out moan at the combination of the tight heat of Cougar surrounding him and the image of the brunette's hooded eyes beneath that hat. Reaching up he snagged the chain around Cougar’s neck that still held their rings and pulled him down for another kiss. Jake gave another moan against Cougar’s lips as the sniper slowly lifted himself up until just the tip of Jake’s cock was still inside him before lowering back down. 

Cougar’s rhythm began to pick up as he straightened and dragged Jake’s hands up his body to tease at his nipples. It wasn't enough. One hand going up to hold his hat on and running his tongue across the other to give his painfully hard cock some relief, the sniper lips parted and he begged the man beneath him. “More!”

With a growl, Jake complied. Planting his feet to given himself the leverage needed, the blond matched Cougar’s faltering rhythm as he found his prostate with every thrust. Batting Cougar’s hand away, Jake took the brunette's cock and swirled his thumb over the slit which he somehow knew would drive him nuts.

Sure enough, Cougar was screaming moments later, head thrown back and his come spirited through the blond’s fingers.

“Fuck, yes, Cougar! So damn beautiful!” Jake grunted with the last few thrusts that sent him tipping over and coming inside his blissed-out lover.

Slowly coming back to himself, Cougar lifted himself off Jake’s softening cock and carefully cleaned them off with his discarded shirt. Laying down in his lover’s arms, the sniper gently rubbed at one of his temples. “How is the head?”

Smiling, Jake stole Cougar’s hat and put it on. “Quiet, but something tells me that 9 out of 10 medical professionals would not recommend that as a method of managing panic attacks.”

“Do not mock what works,” the sniper murmured before signing happily. “I love how you look in my hat.”

Giggling, Jake did his best to make a Cougar face. “Oh really? What else do you love about me?”

“That you are good,” the sniper murmured, resting his head against Jake’s shoulder. “You never hesitate to help others even when it might hurt you. You crashed into my life when I had nothing and filled my world with just the golden light of your smile.”

A goofy grin lit up Jake’s face and he tilted his head before pulling the sniper even closer. “You know, I don't remember you, Cougar. But I think I love you.”

Cougar lay awake long into the night watching the love of his life sleeping. The soft smile on the blond’s lips and the purring sound he made when he exhaled usually lulled the sniper to sleep in minutes. But for once it was Cougar’s head that wouldn't keep quiet. He just couldn't stop thinking about his own words.

Jake had always run headlong into danger. Always throwing himself between Cougar and bullets. And all Cougar had ever done was put Jake in danger.

Maybe it was time the sniper did the running.

Carefully slipping out of his lover’s arms and retrieving his hat, Cougar pulled on his clothes and slipped out into the cold garage. Digging a cell phone out of the truck he flipped it open and turned it on. A few moments later the phone began to ring and the sniper answered. “You want me dead, fine. But you will leave my family alone.”

There was silence for a moment before Silva answered. “Deal.”

Hanging up, Cougar checked to make sure the phone’s GPS was on before settling down on an up turned crate to wait.

-

Jakes memories didn't come back in a rush. They didn't knock him to the ground as they flashed in front of his eyes or take his breath away as he said a single word that triggered everything to finally return.

They came back as a gently spread of warmth as Jake opened his eyes and inhaled the familiar scent of himself and Cougar on soft linens. He sat up slowly, poking around in his head just to make sure they weren't going to up and leave again and grinned as he found the dark space in his head completely full.

Throwing the covers off, Jake leapt out of bed and threw on clothes before rushing out to find where Cougar had wandered off to that morning. Finding the kitchen dark and cold, he frowned. Every morning Cougar had made sure to start a fire and warm up the snow covered house. 

“Cougs?” Jake called cautiously, jumping slightly at the sound of a car door shutting from outside. Frowning, the hacker walked to the garage door and tugged it open.

Cougar and the man pointing a gun at him turned, surprise stamped across their faces at the blond in the doorway. 

“No!” Jake howled, throwing himself forward between the love of his life and the man that was still trying to kill him.

“Jake, stop!” Cougar shouted, trying to force the blond away. “It is ok! You will be safe now, it is ok! It is my turn to be selfless!”

“Selfless?!” Jake shouted as he wiggled around his love attempts to push him to one side and pausing to stick his tongue out at Silva who was giving him an incredulous look. “I never took a bullet for selflessness!”

“Then why did you run across a market for a stranger?” Silva asked, his curiosity getting him a bit off track from his assassination mission.

“Fuck you, that’s why,” Jake snapped as Cougar finally stopped trying to push him away and pressed his forehead against the blond’s shoulder.

Anger twisted the man’s scarred features, Silva stepped forward and pressed his pistol to Jake’s forehead. “Move, or this time I will kill you.”

But Jake still didn't move. “Then kill me, because Cougar is my life.”

Cougar’s hand flashed out to shove the pistol to one side so the bullet fired hit the back wall of the garage. As his fiancé rested the gun from Silva’s hand, Jake threw an elbow and sent the assassin crashing to the floor. Looking up, Silva was met with the end of his own gun as Cougar empties its six rounds into the assassin’s chest.

Dropping the gun onto Silva’s corpse, Cougar turned to stare at Jake. “You remember?”

Jake nodded.

“Then why? Why did you save me in Ecuador?” the sniper snapped, tears beginning to fall as everything came crashing down on top of him.

“Because I saw in you what I saw every day I looked into the mirror. Loneliness. I thought just how much I wanted someone to come crashing into my life and started running,” Jake murmured crossing his arms and giving himself a squeeze. 

Giving a choked laugh, Cougar stumbled across the room and buried his face into Jake’s chest. “Idiota.”

“Cougs?” Jake murmured, wincing at the sob he received at the old nickname. “I know I have no right to ask this after forgetting you, but...”

Cougar pulled slightly back, bravely trying to wipe his eyes. He could see the fear and pain awash in Jake’s eyes as he tried one last time to force the question between his lips.

“Will you marry me?”

Smiling, laughing and crying all at the same time Cougar nodded. “Si.”

-

Jake grinned as he sat cross legged on the floor of the safe house. A fire burning in the hearth warmed his left cheek, delicious smells wafting whatever Pooch and Jolene were cooking in the kitchen while Clay raided a liquor cabinet no one had known existed. His family’s laughter was ringing in his ears but all he could see was Cougar. 

Sitting across from him with a squat silver vase filled with red and white rose buds in the space where their crossed legs met, Cougar was dressed in a simple flannel and his hat but looked just as breathtaking as he had that day in the church. 

Bowing his head slightly, Cougar allowed Beth to place a crown of red roses onto his hat and tried not to giggle at the very serious look on the young girl’s face. 

Jake accepted his crown of white roses and took both of Cougar’s hands at his niece’s insistence.

Carefully winding ribbons of white and red silk around the couple’s hands in a painstakingly memorized pattern from one of the many wedding books that had been purchased for the previous ceremony, Beth tied off the first set and then took up the ends of the second set and paused dramatically. “With this knot, will these two bind themselves to the other until the end and beyond?”

“I do,” Cougar murmured, tilting his head as tears gathered on his long lashes.

“I do,” Jake finally breathed, feeling the comfortable weight of commitment settle over him.

“Then by the power I gave myself, to finally marry my favorite uncles, kiss!” Beth shouted, tying the ribbons and throwing a shower of rose petals into the air.

The hacker and the sniper leaned forward to press their lips together as their family cheered and whistled. Carefully slipping free from the ribbons Cougar and Jake took their wedding rings from Pooch’s proffered hand.

The simple white gold band set with a golden diamond fit in perfect contrast to its dark twin on Cougar’s finger.

The old silver ring that was sculpted into a flower and held a pearl at its center looked just as at home next to the skull ring on Jake’s finger as it had on Cougar’s mother.

Kissing again, the husbands pulled each other to their feet, arms around each other and they took the first breath of the rest of their lives together then turned to accept hugs and congratulations from their family.

**Author's Note:**

> I apologize for google translate, I am also one of those assholes who doesn't speak Spanish.


End file.
